Huda—I’ll refer to the author by her first name, as that’s the one she uses throughout the audiobook to refer to herself, mostly—is an American Muslim woman who has written about her experience regarding courtship and marriage while growing up in a Shia Muslim family in California. I’ll admit I enjoyed her voice very much. It was enthralling to hear directly from a Muslim woman about her experiences and beliefs, her struggles to align her family values and faith with American culture.
I actually could relate quite a lot to her personality—that driven Type A personality, critical and so concerned with doing the ‘right thing’. Honestly, she’s hardest on herself throughout the book, though the point of her memoir seemed to be that she was neverendingly critical of Hadi, her match. Well, I suppose she was also trying to point out that her notions of romantic love (from American media and culture) made her marriage more difficult, and I believe she may have been subtly trying to point out that such notions are innately selfish. I suppose they are, at least at first glance, though isn’t self-care (i.e., being selfish at least to a degree) important for our well-being, our spirits, our families’ happiness? Hmm, maybe I’m putting a twist on it that isn’t quite fair—for she’s all about making pragmatic choices, and isn’t that the point of those arranged marriages? Pragmatism is inherently selfish, right? Not necessarily in a bad way, oftentimes, as it can protect the interests of so many. Maybe her point is simply that romantic notions can undo us, lead us astray from our pragmatic best interests, lead to undue disappointment. And, of course, romantic ideals are ‘ideals’ and thus hard to achieve perfectly.
Perhaps you’ve gathered that I did NOT love the ending of this memoir. I felt we’d barely begun, that little had been resolved even though she had shown a shift in her attitude towards Hadi towards the end. When the story concluded abruptly (that’s the thing with audiobooks—you’re sometimes not as braced for it to be the end unless you’re really paying attention), I just shrieked, “What!?” a few times. Granted, memoirs and autobiographies and even biographies can be that way, much more so than novels. Huda had had so many disappointments, though, and I’d have liked to have actually seen at least a few of them resolved, quite aside from her relationship with Hadi, which I was by no means convinced was ‘all better’.
I do recommend this memoir for the cultural viewpoint and wonderful introspection. Don’t believe her that she’s so mean and critical—sure she is, in a way, but she aims that insightful critique doubly on herself (at least). She redeems herself a bit near the end with some of her charity work, and I think that’s a wonderful thing for us all to do (none of us are perfect, and it’s important), but I really wanted to see her spirit and self-esteem restored a bit more before the ending, though maybe she had no true desire whatsoever to glorify arranged marriages with ‘Oh, it’ll be just fine!’.
One saving grace about the end of the story is that she’s in Mexico, and so then we’re getting the Arab-American female perspective on living in Mexico and facing their culture, just a bit. Quite interesting to have that extra layer of cultural discussion.
For non-Muslim Americans reading or listening to this memoir, maybe the REAL point of the story is to guide us to be a little less fearful and more sympathetic, more open to their culture. After all, in college she signed up for classes on Arab/Muslim culture simply so that she could explain to her classmates points the teachers got them worked up about (hmm, earlier charity work of a sort!). On that note, perhaps she and her family decided it would be best if her memoirs showed that things aren’t ‘all wonderful’, that her life is hard, too, so that perhaps the rest of us will regard Muslim-Americans with a little less hostility and a little more sympathy. Having been born in California and having attended a private Catholic school, she knows perfectly well that we’re never going to swallow that arranged marriages are a fantastic idea.
I leave this memoir liking Huda—the way her mind works, her critical introspection, and her zeal for compassion. And with regards to their Muslim practices, she did reduce my fears in general, as I felt warm towards their families and wish the best for them. I even felt fascinated and amused by the zealous face-slapping Huda did at one point. Frankly, if she’d come across as more dogmatic, though, that warm, sympathetic, open vibe would not have been the end result. And she really doesn't come across as overzealous, as she doesn't even wear the hijab.
Nevertheless, I still feel obliged to point out that Huda was a lucky, intelligent, pretty, healthy girl with a wonderful, well-off family. Even her own mother’s story is not as nice as hers. Yet with all her fortune, Huda still had a hard time being matched with a nice boy near her own age, everything fairly optimal. For girls whose families don’t adore or prioritize them quite so much, who don’t have the money to be so indulgent, their lives can be and often are absolutely ruint with bad matches. I suppose that’s obvious, but after a whole book full of lovely families with their children’s best interests in mind, I’d like to point out that Huda’s story is a best-case scenario—and still leaves us rather sad for her.
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